Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

Utility is when you have one telephone,
luxury is when you have two,
and paradise is when you have none.

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

As long as people keep killing people, to stop the killing of people, the killing will go on.

Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else can see.

People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are being loved and people are being used.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Of course men can multitask, they read on the toilet.

If God wanted me to touch my toes,  he would have put them on my knees.

Why do corn flakes and Sugar frosted flakes have the save number of calories per serving?