If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
Don't be a loner, cover your boner
If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
Especially in December, gift wrap your member
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
Encase that torch before you paint her porch
Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
It's always funky to cage your monkey
Can your worm before you squirm
Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
House your noodle then release your strudel
Sock that wanger before you bang her
While you're undressing Venus, dress up your penis
Wrap that tool to catch the drool
When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper." Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. "Ohmigod. It's a pepperoni." Locker room talk would change. "Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?" "Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut." Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states. Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry section. Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection. Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. "All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister." Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks. You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?" Fundamental Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet. Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic. Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they'll go blind. Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.