Funny Things to Ponder

4/11/2011

What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?

If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Why do men get their greatest ideas in bed?

Because their plugged into a genius!

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female

The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

Why are men like cars?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

More Condom Slogans….

Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

Don't be a loner, cover your boner

If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it

Especially in December, gift wrap your member

Don't make a mistake, cover your snake

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener

If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket

Encase that torch before you paint her porch

Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound

It's always funky to cage your monkey

Can your worm before you squirm

Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel

House your noodle then release your strudel

Sock that wanger before you bang her

While you're undressing Venus, dress up your penis

Wrap that tool to catch the drool

If Sex was Clean and Food was a Four letter word…

When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper." Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. "Ohmigod. It's a pepperoni." Locker room talk would change. "Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?" "Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut." Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states. Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry section. Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection. Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. "All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister." Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks. You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?" Fundamental Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet. Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic. Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they'll go blind. Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.