Funny Things to Ponder

4/12/2011

Astronomy - Blue Oyster Cult

Afroman - Because I Got High

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?

When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis…

her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

"Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key"
"Man who fart in church must sit in own pew"
"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"
"Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly"
"Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone"
"Man who stand in front of car get tired."
"Man who stand behind car get exhausted."
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who buy many prunes get good run for money"
"Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth"
"War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse"
"It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it"
"Man who drive like hell bound to get there"
"Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs"
"Man who masturbate into cash register soon come into money"
"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time"
"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam"
"Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot"

How do you piss off a female archeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

If breasts had eyes…

Spousal abuse would drop way off.

One Liners–pg.1

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

Pleas turn your screen upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you

Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....sh*t...I got wrong number...SORRY :)

Nope.....u still ugly!

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.

Born Free........Taxed to Death.

I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is Facebook gossip.

Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.